Chobani Yogurt Pushes One Million Moms’ Buttons…and I Love It

Today I read this little piece on Jezebel about how One Million Moms is super mad over a yogurt commercial.  They’re mad about this commercial.

Can you feel the hell fires coming to claim you?

Well, One Million Moms wanted people to write to Chobani yogurt and express their thoughts about this commercial.  I checked out their prepared email submission because I too wanted to tell Chobani how I feel, but I needed to make some changes.  Here is my email (the italicized words are added by me):


As a parent and a member of OneMillionMoms.com, I am highly offended pleased by your company’s disrespect of millions of for all American families by supporting the homosexual agenda instead of remaining neutral in the cultural war. It is a poor great business decision to offend so many of your core customers with your most recent commercial featuring two lesbians naked in bed together.

This ad shows a loving couple and what could possibly be wrong with that? would be inappropriate for television even if it were a heterosexual couple naked in bed together. To make matters worse, this advertisement has aired during family programs such as “Full House” on Nickelodeon and “The Willis Family” on TLC.

Airing this commercial during family-friendly shows, especially on a children’s network, is greatpushes the envelope and crosses a line that Chobani should have never crossed.

If conservative families cannot find corporate neutralitysupport for their bigotry with Chobani, they will vote with their pocketbook and support companies that are neutralbigoted. Selling quality products has nothing to do with a person’s sexual orientation, and so there should be nothing wrong with occasionally show a same sex couple instead of an opposite sex couple. In attempting to be politically correct inclusive of all families, you are offending a huge majorityopening the minds of your customers. I implore you to consider how your commercial deceives viewers by normalizing sin and then calling it naturalkeep up the good work.

There are plenty of Greek yogurts on the market that do not support liberal causes and which moms can buy for their families. Chobani will not have my family’s business unless this commercial is pulled off the air immediately from now on.

I look forward to hearing from you.


One Million Moms…there aren’t one million of you.  In fact, on Facebook you don’t even have 100,000 likes.  If that’s how few Likes you have I can only imagine how few actual members you have given that “Like”ing something costs a personally almost no effort at all.  Thank goodness for free speech so you can concern troll us all day long.  The great thing about free speech is that free speech isn’t consequence-free speech, which means that I get to have my say to and so do the many many people who see your group for exactly what it is – way less than one million bigots.

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Authority-Figure Anxiety!

It doesn’t show online, but I’m a pretty nervous person.  I’m eager to please and I over-apologize, as women are socialized to do.  I hate it.  I’m working on it.

This nervousness comes with some reactions that I don’t seem to have much control over, though, and that’s my biggest problem.  One of the worst of these issues is something I’ve recently decided to call “Authority Figure Anxiety”.  As the name suggests, it’s anxiety related to authority figures.  I often get them when my Dad pulls the old “I have something to talk to you about later.”  Ever want to make an anxious person die on the inside for awhile?  Tell them you have something to talk to them about and say it in a really serious tone but then tell them you’ll talk to them about it later.  Even thinking about it makes me feel minor authority-figure anxiety.  It’s that sort of nauseated feeling that your stomach is traveling around trying to climb it’s way out of your body.  I just want the information.  I just desperately need to know that I’m not in trouble and that no one’s mad at me or if I am in trouble or someone is mad at me I need to know so that I can do something.  Or if I can’t do something then I would at least like the information so that I can mentally deal with not being able to do something.

This feeling doesn’t just happen with my dad, though.  It happens when almost any person (but more often than not a man) who is some vague authority figure to me – even if only in my mind – sends me a curt email or a text message that doesn’t allow me to interpret body language or quickly and easily diffuse the situation by asking for more info without sounding like I’m trying to beg for their validation (which is exactly what I’m doing).  The feeling is awful and then on top of that I feel awful for having the awful feeling.

The thing is that usually whatever I’m nervous about isn’t a big deal, but I can’t diffuse the feeling by telling myself it’s not a big deal.  Rationality doesn’t stop the anxiety.  In many ways it only makes it worse.  I wish I could make it stop.  Most of the time I feel like a boss, but occasionally this happens and it is extremely un-boss-like.

I guess Boss Ladies can also be anxious, but I wish I weren’t.

Keep Your Acceptance

One of the biggest and last problems that I have with streaming television is seeing the same three commercials over and over again.  It’s not a big deal in the scheme of things, but when the commercials are annoying they’re very annoying.  Lately I’ve seen one particular Similac commercial like a dozen times.  The commercial is called “I Accept You”.  Check it out.

Every time I’m confronted with this commercial it pisses me off more.  The commercial starts with a woman holding a baby who says “I accept that you photographed your baby…inside a tea cup.”  What follows is a string of mothers who accept the things that other mothers such as…

“I accept that you enrolled your daughter in high school before she left the womb.”

“I accept that you no longer notice…that spit up.”

Oh but then “Welcome to a world where moms support moms.”

A formula feeding mother says “I accept that you do things your way.”  This is followed by a woman bathing her baby in a one side of a double sink who says “thank you.”

Finally, “Welcome to the sisterhood of motherhood.”

Here’s my biggest problem not just as a mom but as a person: I don’t give even a single fuck what you accept.  Acceptance is not support.  In fact, as stated in this commercial, the acceptance isn’t even acceptance.  It’s passive aggressive bullshit.  “I accept that you no longer notice…that spit up”?  Bite me.  Sometimes you don’t have a spit up rag on your shoulder.  Sometimes the spit up lands somewhere else.  Maybe spit-up mom has been busy and she just hasn’t gotten around to it.  The point is that you don’t know and she doesn’t need you to accept that she hasn’t cleaned the spit-up off her shirt.

In regards to the formula feeding mom who accepts moms who wash their babies in the sink, I understand that there are many breastfeeding moms who are judgey about women who formula feed.  That sucks.  It does.  There are women out there who legitimately cannot breastfeed or even pump.  Whatever your choices as a parent – assuming those choices aren’t actively harmful to your child, and let’s face it that’s not usually the case – your friends and family members and even other parents you don’t know should deal with the fact that adults make their own choices.  Whatever parenting books you’re reading, if you look around I think you’ll find that there’s a variety of parenting styles that result in reasonably well-adjusted kids.  Similac isn’t building a “sisterhood of motherhood” here, they’re pointing out the division that the formula industry has been complicit in establishing.  You’ll also notice that they didn’t put the formula feeding mother against a breastfeeding mother.  Instead they show a mom who is bathing her baby in a sink next to a sink full of dishes.  Look how disorganized she is!  Oh that hippy-dippy nut mom.

There’s nothing about this commercial that is about creating a “sisterhood of motherhood”.  The faux acceptance pedaled here is about pushing a product.  If you need or simply choose to use formula, that’s your choice.  But please, just please, do not walk around throwing your acceptance at everyone.  Moms with rogue spit-up on their shirts don’t need your acceptance. Moms who like to take pictures of their babies in giant teacups aren’t hurting anyone, they don’t need you to accept their photography choices.  Formula feeding moms, you don’t need anyone’s acceptance.  You’re an independent human being who makes your own choices and it is not my or anyone else’s place to insist upon accepting you.  Likewise, women who wash their babies in the sink (ps. it’s a pretty convenient place to wash a baby since most kitchen sinks are in fact baby-sized) do not need your acceptance.

Similac’s disingenuous attempts to insist on some sort of “sisterhood” among mothers is distasteful.  Its implication that you as a mother are in need of other mothers’ acceptance doesn’t magically enter you into a sisterhood, it wants you to believe that you need the acceptance of strangers.  It puts you on notice that your adorable pictures and your sink-bathing and your spit upon shirt mean that you require acceptance from people.

Acceptance is a pretty tepid form of support.  If that’s the kind of support Similac’s sisterhood was offering they can keep it.